


Human Shield

by chronicAngel



Series: Whumptober 2019 [4]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Dysfunctional Family, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Abuse, POV Third Person, Wakes & Funerals, Whumptober, Whumptober 2019
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2020-12-02 00:07:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20943548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chronicAngel/pseuds/chronicAngel
Summary: "It should have been me," she quietly agrees.





	Human Shield

The funeral ended hours ago but she has only just managed to drag herself away from his grave to return to the Hyūga estate. Her teammates had offered to stay with her at the funeral, but without looking up from her feet, she had dismissed them. Naruto, eager to spend more time with his girlfriend but moreso just as guilty as she is for Neji's death, hadn't even asked so much as hung around for another hour and held her hand without any interjections while she sobbed. Eventually, though, she asked him to leave her alone, too, because for a final time she wanted to feel like she really got to spend alone time with her cousin.

When she gets back to the estate, to her family's house that _he_ lived in and _he_ grew up in with her, her father is sitting on the couch with his legs crossed and eyes closed, as though he's meditating. She wonders if she can sneak past him without catching his attention. As though he hears her thoughts, his eyes snap open, Byakugan activating almost on instinct. She has been training with other Hyūga her whole life, but on a level it is still startling to be on the receiving end of their pale glare. She supposes after her fight with Neji during the chūnin exams, though she would never hold it against him, her feelings about her family's kekkei genkai have changed.

"Sit," he commands more than offers, and she does as she's told, taking a seat on the floor in front of him in a sort of kneeling position, legs tucked under her body. She doesn't know what to expect from the conversation. It is certainly not what she gets.

"When your mother died," he begins, and she immediately winces. Hanabi was too young when their mother died to remember anything about her, only a few months old, but Hinata was five and a half. She was always hiding behind her mother's skirts, and then all of her pretty kimono were locked away in a wardrobe for no one to ever look at again. Her father easily could have taken another wife, but he never did. "I was so stricken with grief that I nearly starved myself. Knowing that I wouldn't see Hanabi grow into a powerful young woman was all that motivated me to stay alive. Your mother wouldn't have wanted her to be an orphan after all." Hinata's stomach twists in knots at the praise for her sister that has permeated their entire lives. She loves Hanabi, but she wishes it felt like anyone loved anyone other than Hanabi sometimes. "But _you_," he says, voice filled with venom and hatred, and she shrinks into herself. "You were eating at Neji's funeral. I saw it."

She had picked at the food to encourage others at the funeral to eat. She tried, through the whole event, to serve as a beacon of hope, even as every bite made her feel sick to her stomach. She feels that way now, too, like she's going to throw up all over the hardwood floors and then Father will make her scrub it up. "You filthy, gluttonous child," he adds, and she cannot look up to meet his eyes anymore because the force of his gaze is too oppressive. "Your cousin is _dead_ because of you and you aren't even guilty about it!" He says, so plainly and so angrily that it makes her heart stop for a moment, she's sure.

"F-Father..." She starts, her childhood stutter rearing its ugly head once more with her nerves. "Neji-nii-san was my best f-friend. Of course I am h-heartbroken about his loss," she says, needlessly formal, like a child talking to their sensei. She does not know any other way to talk to her father, even after their relationship had slowly started to repair itself. Neji's death has driven them further apart than ever before.

"It's your fault he's dead!" He screams, and there is suddenly a sharp sting across her cheek as she realizes that he has just slapped her. She brings a hand up to her cheek, tears welling up in her eyes, and finally looks up at him in horror. She can see tears in his eyes, too. She has never seen her father cry. Even after okā-chan died, it seemed more like he had a deep numbness than any real, permeating sense of sadness. "It should have been you."

And that strikes her not because it is a particularly cruel thing to say, or something unexpected from her father, because somewhere in her, it resonates. It is easy for her hollow body to echo it back at her: _It should have been you, it should have been you._ Even as hot tears begin to roll down her cheeks, it is hard to feel truly hurt by his words because, at least to some degree, she feels they are true. She had meant for it to be her. She had meant to sacrifice herself for Naruto, and she wonders if Neji would have gotten this talk. She thinks it would have been better, anyway. "It should have been me," she quietly agrees.


End file.
